Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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