Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
