Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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