Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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