I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
