At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
