I like to think it a success when the cops are called
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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