BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
