so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
