I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
