So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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