I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
