I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
