In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
