how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
