Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
