So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
