Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
sarcasm needs its own font
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
