WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
