Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
