Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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