I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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