Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The uberlube is also flammable
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize