There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
