I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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