I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
