well most of my day revolves around power hour
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
