I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize