I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
