Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
