You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
