The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize