after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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