can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
