I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
