the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
