I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
