ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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