Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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