We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
