Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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