My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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