how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize