I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
