Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
