bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
