I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize