I'm so fucking centered right now
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
