At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Say something about gay babies.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
