i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
