it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize