Plan B is the new Plan A
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
