my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
