Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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