you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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