It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
