U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
