nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
