he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
