Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize