I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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