Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
