READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i believe in u and ur pee
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
