I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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