M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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