Christians are straight up FREAKS
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
