Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
