FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
