Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
