i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
