theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
