you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
