about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
