if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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