I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
