Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
