As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
