I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize