Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
