so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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