Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
