Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
